Luke Scallon
Pastor, Faith Baptist Church of Danville

Published in The Des Moines County News on July 7, 2016.

“Get over there and tell him you’re sorry!”

Getting our children to apologize can be tough at times, and while there is no exact method, there are right and wrong approaches.  What has the child learned after resisting, staring at the ground, and finally muttering the words, “I’m sorry,” before running off and resuming play?  Most likely, he’s learned how to bypass the inconvenience of being in trouble and not being able to play.

One key factor that will imprint on our children’s hearts will be how their parents handle their failures.  Whether we take ownership of our sins or not, our children are very aware of how we respond, either by shrugging it off, shaming them for pointing it out, or by taking the time to talk it over and make things right again.  Whichever we do, we are an example of how to do life, relationships, and apologies.

If you’re at all like me, I can guarantee that you won’t have to go looking for extra reasons to apologize.  We are human, and even when we try hard, we will make mistakes and we will wrong our children.  Perhaps we were impatient, or harsh, or failed to keep a promise, or accidentally hurt them or broke something of theirs, or any number of other ways we may have wronged our children.  How do you respond?  We carry tremendous influence on our children, including in the realm of apologies.  That also entails not only whether we apologize, but how we apologize.

A good apology humbly admits wrong.  It may take a while, but this softens the hearts of children in a very important way.  Too many kids quit church when they become independent.  The most cited reason is hypocrisy – they feel the church says one thing and does another.  We have a chance to model the opposite in our homes.  “I was wrong when I… that was sin, and that’s not okay.”  Be specific about what you did wrong, and call it what it is.  Be honest whether it was an accident or sin.

A good apology takes ownership.  It’s tempting as a parent to justify what we did by the wrongs of our kids.  “I’m sorry, but…” will turn away hearts.  That is not an apology; that is blame-shifting.  Even when the other person was also wrong, the focus of the apology is on what we did wrong.

A good apology seeks to restore.  We can never undo our sins, but we can acknowledge the feelings of the one we hurt, and then ask them, “Will you forgive me?”  This goes past the inconvenience of apology and makes effort to restore the broken relationship.

“So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another” (Romans 14:19).  Will you make opportunity to be humble before your kids, and show them a genuine, humble apology?