Luke Scallon
Pastor, Faith Baptist Church of Danville

Published in The Des Moines County News on April 28, 2016.

Most people would agree that we will never achieve perfection in this life. Yet, we get frustrated when our children disobey us. I know I do! It is easier to notice others’ wrongs, and… conveniently overlook our own.

How does an imperfect parent help a child to learn obedience? If you’re asking this question, you’re already on the right track, by bringing yourself under examination. Recognizing our faults will help us go the distance in training our children in obedience. The amazing thing is, God knows our hearts, and is well aware of our sin; yet God has not given up on us. Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). God desires obedience; however, we can strive for morality and miss what God desires most, if we are not trusting in him. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

God wants us to trust him, and as we grow in faith, we will grow in obedience. Is it possible we miss this when we attempt to train our children to obey? Even if we are active in teaching them about God and the Bible, we can actually train them to focus on morality without the help of God. This can go undetected, particularly when we forget that in raising our children, obedience is NOT the goal. That’s right. The goal is knowing and trusting Jesus. Am I thinking about this when my kids are supposed to be going to sleep, but they are playing in their room? No! I just want them to obey and sleep. But when I push my agenda, I miss the opportunity to point them to Jesus.

What does this mean for me, then? First, I need to take ownership of my sin, by apologizing and confessing both to God and my family. Kids are intelligent and observant. They are very well aware when we sin. I need to teach my children how to make genuine restoration to their relationships after they sin.

Second, since I also struggle with sin, I need Jesus as much as they do. If God lashed out at me for every wrong move I make, I would be toast by now! God has been patient with me; I should work extra hard to be patient. Ephesians 4:32 is a great verse to remember as a parent and in all of my relationships: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” If I am trusting in Jesus, I have been forgiven abundantly, and I can forgive others abundantly.

This doesn’t mean I now conveniently overlook my children’s sins as well; rather, it means doing the hard work of loving them when they sin. It means giving consequences to correct and restore rather than punishing. It means remembering God’s forgiveness, both for myself and my kids.