I have struggled to sit down and write this – it has been a topic that I’ve been burdened to write about for months!  I’ve talked to countless pastors’ wives and it saddens me to realize that this is a reality!  To be honest, I struggle with this mostly because I was worried about the judgments or maybe just the uncertainty of how it might be perceived. 

However, I think this is a very important topic that needs to be talked about!  The recent news article that has come out about a beloved pastor’s wife who has presumably taken her own life (article) is not only heartbreaking, but it unfortunately hits home for many pastors’ wives!   

Being a pastor’s wife can be lonely.  Often times, they feel overlooked, uncared for, and not appreciated.  

• They are often told how they should act, dress, speak, etc.
• They are often put up on a pedestal on how they are to be.
• They are often assumed to be doing just fine emotionally, mentally, spiritually…
• They are often viewed to have lots of friends, but in reality, deep friendships are missing. 
• They are often judged by how well their children behave. 

Yes, when a pastor is called into the ministry, the pastor’s wife works together with him (often, unpaid). Though, the expectations for her seem to be much higher than the lady sitting next to her.  Why?  

We need to change the frame of thinking. 
Change happens with awareness! 

We need to realize:

1. A pastor’s wife is human.  She needs the room to be a real person, with real feelings. 
2. A pastor’s wife is just like any other lady in the church who loves the Lord and wants to serve the Lord.  She needs to be appreciated. 
3. A pastor’s wife has emotions and desires those friendships just like any other lady in the church.  She needs to be cared for.  
4. A pastor’s wife needs a friend who is honest, caring, nonjudgmental, and will grow together in the Word of God.  

The reality is that often times the pastor’s wife will push away her own needs in order to be there for other people.  The pushing away of heartaches or betrayals in order to fulfill the “requirements” is hard, and unfortunately, hurts deeply.  Many pastors’ wives cry lonely tears and are afraid that what they say can be used as a weapon against her or her husband. 

Really, the role of a pastor’s wife can be so rewarding and special, but it can also be one of the loneliest. 

So please:

1. Pray for your pastor’s wife
2. Reach out and genuinely care for her
3. Be her friend
4. Give her the room to be a real person

Pastors’ wives, if you are struggling, lonely, or just need a friend, PLEASE reach out!  I am here!